The Confidence Trap: Why Experience Alone Won’t Make You Feel Ready (And What To Do Instead)

The Confidence Gap: When Competence Isn’t Enough

You’ve checked the boxes. Earned the degrees. Gained the titles. Led the teams.

So why don’t you feel more confident?

That’s the Confidence Trap…believing that more experience will automatically erase self-doubt. For many high-achieving women, especially in male-dominated industries, confidence doesn’t grow in parallel with competence. It often lags behind it.

And that gap? It’s costly.

It shows up in the hesitation to speak up in meetings. The reluctance to apply for a promotion unless you meet 100% of the qualifications.

The underpricing of your worth.

The overthinking after a client call, wondering, “Did I come across ok?”

But here’s the truth: Confidence isn’t a reward for perfection. It’s a practice of ownership.

We’re taught that confidence shows up after we’ve proven ourselves. But what if it actually shows up because we choose to trust ourselves…even in uncertainty?

Let me offer a new perspective…Confidence is not the requirement. It’s the result.

I’ve seen this play out over and over with the executive women I coach. One healthcare leader shared that every time she walked in the boardroom, she felt like she was playing a role. Not because she lacked knowledge, but because she didn’t look, sound or act like the other executives around her. She thought something was wrong with her. Until she realized, she wasn’t broken. She was breaking the mold.

How Women Leaders Can Rewire Their Confidence Story

We rewrote her internal story. She stopped shrinking. She started leading. And that boardroom? It became hers.

Confidence grows when these three elements are present:

1. Clarity-Knowing what you stand for and where you’re going.
2. Community-Surrounding yourself with people who reflect your brilliance back to you.
3. Calibration-Getting feedback that stretches you instead of silencing you.

Try this:

• Act like the most confident version of yourself, and let the feeling catch up
• Write down the wins you tend to dismiss
• Interrupt self-doubt by asking, “What evidence do I have that this thought is true?”

Confidence Is a Practice—Not a Prerequisite

Confidence doesn’t mean the fear disappears. It means you move anyway.

And when you lead from clarity instead of waiting for perfection, you become the kind of leader others believe in…not because you never doubt yourself, but because you know how to move through doubt with grace.

Because the truth is…your confidence doesn’t need more credentials.

It needs more conviction.

Ready to stop waiting to feel confident and start leading like you already are? Let’s connect.