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It’s been awhile since I’ve written in my blog. Since I write a monologue every week for my radio show, it feels like I’ve been writing on a consistent basis but I soon realized that listening is different than reading. I promise to get back to writing and sharing my thoughts with you on a regular basis. Today something interesting happened to me and it brought out some underlying feelings that I didn’t think were still in my mind. Let’s start at the beginning of the day.
This morning I had my quarterly visit to the dentist. I am not a lover of the dentist and have special challenges each time I go. Even when it’s simply a cleaning, I am the recipient of nitrous oxide aka laughing gas plus many “doses” of Novocain. While I may be a strong woman in so many instances, when it comes to the dentist, I am the biggest woos of all times. Now if you’ve never had gas, let me explain how it works…you just don’t care. It’s like everything is delayed. You hear something and by the time you really hear it, it has already happened. There is music in the background and you try to zero in on the song, but it’s a bit hard to focus. When you think of something, you’ve already said it. When you feel some pressure, it’s already happened so I go back to…you just don’t care.
I’m sitting in the dentist’s chair… I’m under the effects of the gas and am shot full of Novocain when the dentist tells me I need a crown. What??? In the 60 years of my life, the only thing the dentist has ever told me, is that I have great teeth, a great smile and see you in a few months…Not today though. Now I have to gear myself up for this new situation. Will it hurt more? Will I no longer have a great smile or great teeth? Am I falling victim to my advanced age? I’m trying to listen to the song playing and it’s not doing anything to calm my nerves. Ordinarily when I’m in the dentist chair, I have two pictures in my head. The first is the one that I have on my desk of the Colonel. He is standing there smiling as we proudly shared our first Thanksgiving together. It generally makes me smile and calm.
The other picture is of me with my kids who are all making the same silly face.
You can see he resemblance and it generally makes me smile and calm…not today though.
So, I started to talk to myself, not out loud, but in my mind, at least I think it was. I start with “It’s not that bad. You’ll be ok. It doesn’t hurt. You’ll be ok.” When suddenly, the words switched to “You’re not strong enough to get through this”, “You’re not smart enough to understand what’s happening” “You’re not brave enough to get through this without crying” and so many other “enough” words. Really? While I’m breathing the “I don’t care” gas and I’m heading back to being enough? I started shaking my head and thinking about what I say to my clients and mentees when they question if they’re enough. And then the conversation switched to “You’re strong enough to do this” “You’ve got this” “It’s nothing that will get the better of you” and “So what if you cry!”
That’s when it hit me. No matter how old you are, what situation you are in or how amazing you are, we still go back to old tapes in our heads. Now I know you’re rolling your eyes thinking, she is comparing dental work to negotiating a salary or a position or being strong and competent? And I say yes because no matter what, we have to realize that we are enough and we need to repeat that to ourselves in order to get through any situation. Sometimes you might need someone else to bounce this off of such as a coach or a mentor. I unfortunately did not have access to my phone to grab my lifeline of a coach but I did breathe and maybe took an extra few whiffs of the gas and knew I had this…I went back to seeing those pictures in my head and knew I was going to be just fine and you know what???? I AM ENOUGH!
When you finish this post, go back to LinkedIn or FB or wherever you found the link and not only like this, but type in CROWN so I know you also know you are enough….