Quiet Leadership-Why Listening Is Your Most Underrated Superpower

In a world that often rewards the loudest voice, the most powerful leaders are often the quietest ones…the ones who truly listen.

We all love to receive compliments about what we do, what we are wearing and yes, sometimes, what we look like. In business, it’s even more important to concentrate on what you are bringing to your clients and sharing what you are the expert in. While it’s nice to hear “Wow you’re amazing”, the best compliment any leader can her is, “Wow, you really listened to me.”

Why Listening Builds Trust

Has this ever happened to you? Recently I have found myself having to repeat things over and over…not because the person I’m speaking to can’t hear me.  It’s really because they are simply not listening.  It happens in a most unusual way….I ask a question, they respond, except it has nothing to do with the question I asked. So I repeat the question and again, the response is long and involved and again…nothing to do with what I asked.  After we play this game of ping pong back and forth, I finally have to let them know that I hear what they are saying but they are not listening to my question.   The bottom line is that when you don’t listen, the perception is that you just don’t care, and I like to know that you care about me and what I’m saying.

As Stephen Covey said, “Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Now why do you suppose that happens? Well, it could be because they think they already know what’s best for you, or because everyone has trained them to sell that particular product or service or worse, it could be because you are not the priority in this conversation…they are.  Whichever the reason, listening is THE most important quality a leader can have and while we are all salespeople, we should also earn the title of leader as well.

The Cost of Not Listening

While we talk about building relationships all the time, the first step in achieving that is asking questions.  However, step two is the step that cements those relationships and that is from listening. Here are some ways you can sharpen your listening skills and strengthen your listening muscle:

1. Make sure your customer is first.  Is the focus on you or your customer?  Turn that spotlight onto them. Always make sure your focus is in the right place.
2. Create an experience for your customer. The more you know, the better the experience.
3. Listen and when you think you are, listen more. Do you know what your customers are looking for?  Are you making assumptions?  Are you connecting with them the way they want to connect? Is your vision, mission and brand more than just words?
4. Earn your customer’s respect.  We all know that people do business with those they trust and respect. Are you over promising and under delivering? Are you keeping your word? What makes your business different? Are you making your customers feel special? If you have team members, is there respect there as well?  You can only behave with what you know and live.

Quiet Leadership in Action

Your most loyal customers will be the ones that keep you in business, both financially as well as in wisdom.  They will provide you with feedback…if you ask and if you listen…about their experience with you and your company. They are the ones that can and will become your walking ambassadors and share your brilliance with others.  

This is all created with that one skill that we have…Listening. Yes I have said it multiple times already, you have to listen to your customers, your team and your organization.  What do they like, what are their concerns? Get their feedback through surveys, phone calls, social media or however they like to share their information. A fabulous product that you have spent time and money on that isn’t what your customers want is a waste of your time and your money.  Listen to your customers…they know what they want and need…and if you ask, they will tell you in their words.

Have you ever thought about what makes listening difficult? Do you think this has any consequences for your business?  Here’s just a few examples:

• The need to do it over-when you don’t get it right the first time, you get to redo it.  Rework creates more chances to introduce even more errors.
• Increased cycle time-Doing the job more than once takes longer. Time is money, you might go over your budget.
• Dissatisfied customers-It’s a competitive world. Customers have little tolerance and lots of choices. This could lead to lost sales, revenue, market share and profit.
• Dissatisfied employees or team members-Poor communication can breed misunderstandings, mistrust and mistakes. Productivity slips and morale plummets.

Dale Carnegie said it in 1936, in his book that is still used today, “How to Win Friends and Influence People”: The trick to making people like you is simply to listen to them.

Fortunately, listening is a skill people can learn. With some practice, anyone can begin to improve their listening. Here are five tips that can instantly make a difference in your listening skills.

1. Listening as a Leadership Skill-Make the decision that you want to become a better listener. That is the first and most important step. This will make you aware of when you are listening and of course when you are not.  
2. Active vs Passive Listening-Make every effort to stop assessing, judging, and problem solving before you even hear what the other person is saying.
3. How Quiet Leaders Create Impact-Think Grace, clarity and authority…not noise. It’s time to not think about what you’ll say when the other person is talking. Be present in the conversation. And be aware of what people are not saying. Pay attention to the tone and body language that can give you clues about what else is going on in your conversation. Have eye contact and let the other person know that you are listening. Women tend to nod to let the person know she is listening.
4. Listening is a Differentiator for Women-Women combine empathy and strategy. The outcomes are powerful. Women also ask questions…and then they really listen so that they show interest. Be interested…not interesting.
5. Use Some Practical Listening Tools-This would include non-verbal validation, saying “Tell me more” and even silence showing you are present. Remember the word LISTEN has the same letters as the word SILENT…coincidence?

You don’t have to speak the most to lead the best. Listening is where powerful leadership begins.

P.S. As someone who has coached thousands of women in leadership, I’ve seen firsthand that the greatest leaders weren’t the loudest in the room. They were the ones who made others feel seen, heard and valued. Your quiet leadership can be your most powerful legacy…you don’t just hear words…you hear possibilities.