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High-achieving women often hold themselves to impossibly high standards. You juggle demanding careers, personal responsibilities and societal expectations…yet somehow still feel you’re not “enough.”
One of the hardest truths to confront is what we can be our own harshest critics. If you wouldn’t speak to a colleague, a loved one or a friend the way you sometimes speak to yourself, why is it acceptable to direct that treatment inward?
Here’s the truth: self-kindness isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity for sustainable success, authentic leadership and personal well-being.
Recognize the Patterns of Self-Criticism
- Self-criticism often hides behind perfectionism, fear of failure or unrealistic expectations.
- You replay mistakes long after they’ve passed
- You dismiss accomplishments as “just doing my job”
- You focus on shortcomings instead of progress
Awareness is the first step. Ask yourself: What triggers my inner critic? When do I feel most vulnerable to it…around certain people, situations or pressures?
Define Your Deal-Breakers
Just as you wouldn’t tolerate disrespect from others, you can set boundaries for how you speak to yourself.
For example:
- “I will not call myself a failure”
- “I will not minimize my effort or results”
- “I will not compare my journey to someone else’s”
Reframe exercise: When criticism shows up, rewrite it as advice you’d give a trusted friend in the same situation.
Reinforce Self-Kindness With Journaling
Journaling isn’t just reflection, it’s reprogramming. By putting thoughts on paper, you take back control of the narrative.
Here are some prompts to try:
- “Three things I did well today are…”
- “What would I say to a friend who felt this way?”
- “What am I grateful for about myself?”
Keep a “self-kindness journal.” Over time, patterns shift from critical to compassionate.
Practice Micro-Moments of Kindness
Big changes come from small, consistent acts.
- Daily Affirmations: Replace doubt with intentional truths. “I am worthy of the same kindness I show others.”
- Gratitude Practice: End each day with a note of appreciation…for effort as much as outcome.
- Visualization: Imagine watching yourself from the outside. Would you admire that woman for all she carries and contributes?
Set phone reminders to pause and check in. Sometimes one compassionate thought can change the entire course of a day.
Understand the Ripple Effect of Self-Kindness
Self-kindness doesn’t stop with you. It spills over into every area of your life.
- As a leader, it makes you more authentic and approachable.
- In relationships, it deepens empathy.
- For your team or family, it sets a model for healthier ways of striving and succeeding.
When you treat yourself with compassion, you give others silent permission to do the same.
Self-kindness isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about refusing to let self-criticism steal your joy, worth or energy.
If you wouldn’t tear down a friend for not being “perfect,” why keep doing it to yourself?
The shift starts with one choice…to speak to yourself with the same grace you give everyone else.
What’s one way you can be kinder to yourself today?