Women Do It Three Times More Than Men

I was honored to be asked to guest blog for Kim Duke-The Sales Divas. I decided to write about ONE of the many differences between men and women…So what do women do three times more than men….

Ask questions!

Every action, every moment of every day is taken only after DOZENS of questions have been answered to our satisfaction.

Most of us don’t even realize the number and scope of questions we run through in our minds…just to make the smallest of decisions.  Let me give you an example that I think we as women, can all relate to.

Have You Ever Asked Yourself THESE Questions?

As you read this, raise your hand mentally if you have ever asked yourself:

  • If you should attend a certain event; it could be a networking event, a business luncheon or even a quick happy hour.
  • Did you also wonder how much it would cost to attend?  What was on the agenda?
  • What should I wear?
  • Is parking included?
  • Will they feed me?  What will they feed me?
  • Will I run into that dork from work?  My boss?
  • Will it be worth a day off from work?
  • Will I be out in time to pick up the kids?  The dry cleaning?  Dinner?

Wait, WHAT was the original question? Can you even remember it?  It was should you attend an event. And that was only the first round of questions, wasnʼt it?

It is important, that you understand the importance of questions, embrace it and use it.  It is your ability to ask the RIGHT questions at the RIGHT time to the RIGHT people that will help you FIND the right customers.

There are various types of questions and reasons why we use them.  And, guess what?  Men and women differ in the types of questions they use.


Men: Gather Info.  Women: Gather and Grow Relationships.

Asking questions means different things to men and women.

Men ask questions for one purpose only: To gather information.

For women, asking questions serves two purposes: One is to gather information and the other is to show interest in what the other person has said to cultivate the relationship.

Women ask a lot of questions, more than men and they simply CANNOT move forward until all of them are answered. Sometimes they ask questions that men donʼt think to ask. Women have a relationship with everything they buy.  Men exchange information and women have a relationship with the information they exchange.

Understanding the types of questions will help you understand what tools are in your toolbox. Understanding how men and women communicate will help you understand which of those tools to use.


As a quick reference, think of it this way. 

Men are generally transactional in nature and look for facts and figures and  want to close the deal quickly.  Their type of question would be more closed-ended-simply gathering information.

Women are generally relational meaning they want to build a relationship first and THEN work on closing the deal.  Their type of question would be more open-ended-this requires the client to provide their own answer and be an active participant in the conversation.  If done correctly, the close will be a natural part of the process.

You need to be prepared to not only ask questions during the sales process, but to also be aware of the types of questions you’re asking and the GENDER of the customer to whom you are asking them. The more information you gather, the more you get to know what the underlying factors are.

Sharing this information will help build the long-term relationship that we all strive to have with our clients.

(Which is why we ask questions three times MORE than men!) 

So… What did you think of this post? Do you agree? Leave a comment below and let me know what you think.

7 Responses

  1. Thanks Pam….Everyone is in sales whether of not it’s in their title. We sell our most important commodity…us! Let me know if I can offer any other information for you to use.

  2. Judy,
    With the overall acceptance of roles in society and business of the genders, I personally have seen more aggressiveness and the conquering mentality out of some female sales people and not so much the relationship, nurturing, maternal figure. I, for one am a relationship builder and very comfortable and successful at it. In many ways its detrimental in my industry, but works . I appreciate the insight you share. If all the females in sales were to grasp your understanding, they would receive instant raises and be transform into dynamo’s in their industries. Great info. Keep up the good work.

  3. Thank you for putting all these thoughts into words. It is sooo true and makes a lot of sense I’ve been selling for 20 years now. Most of my customer base is men. Sometimes I want to build more and some respond. Its like I’m the Erin Brockovich of our Company. I know their names, wives, kids, info not related to the sale….and yes most times they just want facts. But its at the beginning of the conversation that I can ask how his mother, or kids are that allows them to respect me more. I think. Great info and keep it up!

  4. Thanks Wendy for the comments. Even though it takes longer to build relationships, the longevity is there and more times than not, you will be at the top of your client’s list when he/she needs anything. They remember that you took the time to get to know them, their family and their situation. Don’t stop doing what you’re doing!

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